Dotty

Yikes! I’ve received twenty-seven e-mails, and fourteen Facebook posts today. It seems Sweetums the over-stuffed floozy and Rick (my dashing ex-husband) want to join the local club—never mind that Rick still owes back child support.

Everyone is sucking me deeper into my own drama. Each e-mail makes me more upset. I’m on fire! Smoke signals puffing out of my ears and wagons circling. I go over and over this stuff with my therapist all the time. She’s trying to teach me how to deal with it.

I can’t control Rick. Believe me, I understand that, if I could, I would! So it doesn’t help me to know what he’s up to. I get upset and that rubs off on everyone whose lives I touch—I’m short tempered at work and road-rage home only to blow a gasket when I get there.

Sandy (Dotty’s therapist)

Ms. X is fuming, her Ex. owes back support and he is trying to join the club. I know it’s a bum deal. Watching someone shirk his responsibilities to his children and spend his money in a frivolous manner is maddening. I teach my clients to stand up to this stuff and to hold others accountable, by bringing it to the attention of their child support caseworker. But they also have to learn how to ground themselves and not get bent out of shape.

Here’s an exercise I’m going to e-mail Ms. X.

Exercise for Balance

Relax your body and close your eyes, then breath deeply into your lower belly.

With each inhale, you breathe in love and with each exhale, you let go of anger.

Do this until you have regained your peace.

Pockets

Yikes! Dotty is on the warpath! I’m getting out of here before she gets home. I think I’ll dig a hole in the neighbor’s yard and climb in! Don’t tell her where I am.

Dotty

Can you suggest a new therapist? Mine wants me to do breathing exercises! She’s never had to deal with a deadbeat EX.

Breathing won’t make Rick pay child support. I don’t want advice—I want validation. Besides, I breathe every day! I even breathe in my sleep.

Dotty’s Mom

Watch out! Sandy just told my daughter to slow down and breathe.

Clearly Sandy doesn’t know Dotty very well. Dotty likes to be worked up.

However, it is true that if you relax and breathe you will calm down. I do it all the time. But the only way to understand that is to try it. I know my daughter; she’ll walk in the house fuming. So, I’ll have her favorite book, a pot of chamomile tea and this note waiting for her.

Dear Dotty,

I’ve taken the kids to dinner. I understand that you are upset.

I am sorry you have to deal with something so frustrating.

We’ll give you some space, please, text us when you are calm.

Love, Mom

I’m taking the kids to the pizza parlor! Want to meet us there? You can have my anchovies.

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